It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
