i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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