He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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