Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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