Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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