Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
