I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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