how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
