Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
