I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
