it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
