I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
