So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
