Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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