Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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