I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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