I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
