I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
