I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
