I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
