Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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