I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
