We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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