i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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