youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
