quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
