i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
