It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
