i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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