i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
