I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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