Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish you could order shots online.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
