Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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