When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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