You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my shit smells like andre
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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