just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
