So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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