I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
