Someone shit on the floor
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We have so much sex to catch up on
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
