Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
