she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
