Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
