I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
