people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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