i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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