it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
