Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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