i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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