Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize