just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
