I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
