all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
