Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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