I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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