I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
