So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
