I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
