Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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