Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I am morally bankrupt
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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