noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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