i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
