On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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