im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
