woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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