Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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