Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I could make wine with my vomit
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
