His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
