she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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