Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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