I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
