I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
