Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down