Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital