She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation