And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
