I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....