Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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