Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
