The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Pants are for mortals
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
