He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
