After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
