I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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