u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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