Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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